History

 















You and I missed a chance
Surely we wouldn't do that again.

Blue Sea Cafe

 

My brother’s café

Looks out over the sea

It makes my whole body ache

In a slow throb

That hurts and haunts in an exquisite way

I miss it even when I’m there

Because I know I’ll have to leave.

My Decision

 

In my mind you became this vile creature

Who wanted to have his nasty way with me

And all the desire

Which had been denied for way too long

Wanted to unleash itself

Would I let it

I don’t know.

Not Tarnished

Maybe you don’t know

How to look after precious things

And even though I showed you

Maybe you didn’t want to learn.

Room Mates

So he moved in
Left his dirty laundry on the floor
And funnily enough
He slowly disappeared
The more I needed him
The less he came home

He kept me hooked
By talking about our future
About getting married
Having children
And growing old together

Of course it never happened
Although I had done enough believing
For the both of us.

Run Away

You let go ever so slightly

You made a misstep

Enough to let me know you doubted what we’d done

And I was glad

Because it was the excuse I needed

To run away from these new feelings I wanted

But didn’t want.

In The Air

 

You blew in

Like a summer breeze

And settled around me.

Awful

And I thought I would delight in shutting you out

But I had fantasies of you having your nasty way with me

The more repellent I found you

The more I wanted you.

How, Why?

 

You kept asking me

So I kept showing up

I needed to be led on this new adventure

In the beginning you were bold

I wish you’d held onto that

But, I think once you had me

You didn’t know what to do with me

I tried to tell you

I tried to show you

But I think it was too much

I think you were scared.

Pursuit

My mother said you’d always find ways to be near me

To show me why I should be with you

And I pretended not to notice

But of course I knew

Even when we were kids

You watched me fall in and out of love

With other boys

Then other men

I thought you loved me enough

To wait until I was ready for you

But life happened

I went away for adventures I needed to have

And you thought I’d gone forever

So you found a replacement

Settled into a new house, a new life

We were in my car at the market square

You told me about your children

I said I’d messed everything up for us

Still, you told me we would be okay

I said there was no way you could know

After the crash, the nurse said I called your name

The minute you walked through the hospital doors

I knew I loved you, had always loved you

And I knew I could never have you

I’m sorry it took me too long.